Blogging the Golden Globes

That’s right! I have nothing better to do than watch the Golden Globes. And you know what? You get to read about it! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

-The great thing about the golden globes is that they don’t mess around. The show starts and they go right into awards…

Best Supporting Actor: George Clooney for Syriana.
I know it’s the first award of the night, but I’ve got a feeling Clooney just gave the best speech of the show. When he thanked Jack Abrahamoff he commented: "Why would any parent name their kid Jack when they have the word off in their last name?"
That’s just good comedy….

Best Supporting Actress: Rachel Weisz for the Constant Gardner
I’m happy about this one. I didn’t think she’d win. Her role didn’t seem to get much attention, but I thought she was just brilliant, and I’m glad to see she won. The rest of this category felt weak, but whatever. The right person won and that’s all that matters. Although she’s wearing so much eye makeup she looks like a freaky gothic chick.
I actually got to meet the director of the Constant Gardner, Fernando Meirelles (see picture) at a preview screening for the film. He’s a very cool cat.

-Okay, they just showed the chick that plays Kate on "Lost" she looks kind of scary. She should always just walk around covered in dirt. She looks better that way. Yikes, just yikes.

Supporting Actor in a TV series of mini-series: Paul Newman in Empire Falls.
I didn’t see this movie, but it’s based on another novel from the author who did "Nobody’s Fool" which I was a fan of.

-Cool…Brandon Routh the future Superman is presenting an award. I know…I’m such a geek.

Supporting Actress in a TV series of mini-series: Sandra Oh in Grey’s Anatomy
Never seen the show, but I totally dug her in "Sideways". She’s got a great talent for comedic timing. Her speech was spastic to say it lightly. I always find those funny.

-Drew Barrymore is presenting "Good Night and Good Luck". She is a goddess. I’ve been in love with her since I saw E.T. (I’m not a pedophile, I was 5). She's easily in my top 5 hotties of all time. I never got to see "Good Night", but I heard it was amazing.

-Old Golden Globe President Guy is talking. Urge to drink too much alcohol rising.

-Kevin Bacon is in the audience. Why isn’t he in more movies? :)

Actress TV series drama: Geena Davis "Commander in Chief"
Never saw it. She actually gave a wonderfully cynical speech. My respect level just went up a little. I’m gonna Stewie from Family Guy fill in:
"Hey Chris? What ever happened to Geena Davis? She used to be in movies but she's not in movies anymore. She's attractive enough but when she smiles you see too much gum. Not a good tooth to gum ratio. Chris? Ah I'll tell you tomorrow!"

Actor TV series drama: Hugh Laurie in "House"
As much as I want to route for Matthew Fox, I’m glade to see Hugh Laurie win. He’s fantastic in "House", plus I’ve been a fan of his since Black Adder. His speech was fantastic. He wrote down 172 names of people he wanted to thank and then randomly pulled out three names. Funny stuff. Gotta love those brits.

-Melanie Griffith just came out. She looks like a drugged. She’s presenting "the Producers". I didn’t see for two reasons:
1. The reviews were HORRIBLE
2. I love the original too much to watch it defiled like a cheap hooker.

Best Mini-series: Empire Falls
No real comment, so lets just do another Family Guy quote:
Kevin Ferderline: Magic Mirror, how can I look like a douche-bag today?
Magic Mirror Peter: Well Kevin, uh, I would say first of all don't shave or shower.
Kevin Ferderline: Ok, I won't.
Magic Mirror Peter: And uh, you just got out of bed right?
Kevin Ferderline: Yeah.
Magic Mirror Peter: I would say just go ahead and wear that tank top all day.
Kevin Ferderline: Uh, ok.
Magic Mirror Peter: Alright, so we covered the hygiene, no collared shirts, uh...ohh, and don't forget to walk around with an undeserved sense of accomplishment.

Best Actor TV series Comedy: Steve Carrell in "The Office"
Some of you love this show; some of you hate it. Either way, Steve Carrell is brilliant. ‘nuff said. Funny speech. Carrell is a comedy god.

-Merlin ala Tim Robbins introduces "Constant Gardner". Great flick. I really, really loved this movie.

-Here comes Jaime Foxx to introduce something. He’s getting annoying.

Best Actress in a musical/comedy: Reese Witherspoon for "Walk the Line"
All right, I’m just gonna say it. She was totally over rated in this movie. In fact she’s over rated in just about everything she does. I HATE HER! She’s backs up the theory that blondes are dumber than sh*t.

Best Actress in a TV/Comedy: Mary Louise Parker in "Weeds"
I’m just happy she beat 4 actresses from "Desperate Housewives". I’ve always been a fan of Mary Louise Parker, and I’ve only seen a couple of episodes of this show, but I think it’s really great.

-Emma Thompson introduced "Pride and Prejudice". I’ll be putting this on the list of movies I don’t ever plan on seeing.

Best actor in a mini-series: Jonathan Rhys Meyers in "Elvis"
Don’t know, don’t care. Family Guy time:
[To Brian]
Adam West: Damnit, Swanson, I want them found!
Joe Swanson: Mayor West, we have every available man looking for the Griffins, we just don't have any leads.
Adam West: Not the Griffins, you moron! The rest of my Light Bright pieces! My name isn't "Adam We"... or is it? Who am I? What number did you call? Don't ever call here again.
[He hangs up the phone]
Adam West: I guess I told him! Nobody messes with Adam We!

Best actress in a mini-series: >didn’t catch the name< Lackawanna blues.
Wow…I’m fading here. What the hell was this movie? Let’s see if family guy will help:
Adam West: [after hearing Peter, Joe, Quagmire, and Cleveland singing Journey's "Don't Stop Believing"] I love this song! And I love it more when amateurs sing the lyrics! But I hate baseball cards!

-Colin Firth introduced "Match Point". I still haven’t gotten around to seeing this, although it’s high on my list.

Best Motion Picture Screenplay: Brokeback Mountain
Let the gay cowboy movie awards begin. I’ve got a feeling this won’t be the first or even second award this’ll win tonight. Right now, Train is clutching a picture of Joe thinking, "I wish I could quit you".

TV Comedy Series: Desperate Housewives.
LAME! "My name is Earl" should have run away with this award. At least "Earl" is good. "Desperate Housewives" is over-hyped. KHAN!

-Penelope Cruz is looking quite hot tonight. She’s introducing "Mrs. Henderson Presents" which I gave a glowing review to a few weeks ago. It really is a sweet movie.

Foreign Language Film: "Paradise Now"
A friend of mine got to see this at a screening with the director in attendance. He's been telling me I need to see it ever since. Sadly, it's not currently playing anywhere, so I'll have to wait for the DVD.

-"History of Violence" gets introduced. I really was wowed by this. If you haven’t seen if you need to make a point to rent or buy it when it comes out. Viggo is a hell of an actor.

Best Score in a Motion Picture: Memoirs of a Geisha.
Well this just proves it. If you don’t know who to vote for, choose John Williams. While I’m all for giving this guy awards, I really don’t know if this deserved top honors.

-Mariah Carey is in the house. When the revolution comes, her death will be painful.

Best song in a motion picture: Some song from Brokeback Mountain.
I’m sure Train will be able to tell you more about this song.

-Anthony Hopkins is getting the lifetime award tonight. He’s a great choice, and one of the most brilliant actors our generation will ever know. Most actors should worship the ground he walks on. Our society may be obsessed with the acting "talents" of people like Ashton Kutcher and Ben Affleck, yet this guy could act circles around most actors in his sleep. Once again, I really have to recommend you check out "the Worlds Fastest Indian". It really is a charming performance.

-Mandy Moore just came out. Is she even famous any more? Anyway, she’s introducing "The Squid and the Whale". I’ve heard nothing but great things about this, although I’m not sure it’s even playing in this area yet.

Best Motion Picture Director: Ang Lee for "Brokeback Mountain"
I’m an Ang Lee fan so it’s nice to see him win. If Brokeback is as good as they say it is, I may forgive him for the "Hulk".

-John Travolta is in the audience passing out Scientology fliers.

Best Actor in a Musical/Comedy: Joaquin Phoenix "Walk the Line"
I saw this coming a mile away. This feels like the "safe" choice. As much of a Johnny Cash fan as I am, I just thought that some of the other nominee’s were stronger. Don’t get me wrong though, I LOVE Cash. He’s the man, and the movie was great. It just wasn’t the best performance of the year. Reese Witherspoon is still a tramp, though.

-Tim McGraw is introducing "Walk the Line". Mr. Johnny Cash was punk rock before punk rock ever existed.

-Is it just me or does Renee Zellweger get a little nastier looking every year?

Musical/Comedy Motion Picture of the year: Walk the Line
People love their musical bio-pics. I've written about this flick a couple of times so lets just bring in a family guy bit:
Peter: Hey, let's play a game called "I never". You gotta drink if you never did the thing the person says they did.
Cleveland: I got one - I never slept with a woman with the lights on. [everyone drinks]
Joe: I got one - I never slept with Cleveland's wife. [Quagmire and Cleveland drink]
Peter: I never did a chick in the Logan airport bathroom. [Quagmire drinks]
Peter: [later, Quagmire has 20 beers on the table] Oh, God, what else is there? I never gave a reach around to a spider monkey while reciting the pledge of allegiance.
Quagmire: Oh, God!
Joe: I never picked up an illegal alien from Home Depot to take me home and choke me while I touch myself.
Quagmire: Oh, God!
Peter: Same thing except with a chick from JoAnn Fabrics.
Quagmire: Come on this is getting ridiculous! [he passes out]
Joe: Boy, he's out cold.
Peter: Let's write on him!

TV Series Drama: Lost
There really was no other choice. This is one of the best TV shows that has ever been put on Television. If you’re not watching this show you’re in the dark…or a dork. In fact, I’m even planning on doing a Khan-esque write up on the show one of these weeks.

-Dennis Quaid is introducing "Brokeback Mountain." I’m actually really looking forward to seeing it. Just not as much as Train.

Actress in a Motion Picture Drama: Felicity Huffman in "Transamerica"
Wait…shouldn’t this have been a best Actor role?

-Alright, this bloody award shore is slowly numbing my brain. Maybe this was a bad idea....

Best Actor in a Drama: Phillip Seymour Hoffman in "Capote"
Hoffman completely deserves this award. That film succeeds or fails based entirely on his performance and he nailed it out of the freaking park.

Best Motion Picture Drama: Brokeback Mountain
It’s really hard to comment on a film I haven’t seen. I’ll see if Train will fill in for me.