Vaya con Dios, Brah

“All Aluminum Recyclable Can”-Rainer Tall-Boy

The Great Doctor once said that he learned to write by re-writing great works of fiction by the likes of Faulkner or Hemingway, so I figured I’d start off a long overdue post by quoting a famous point of inspiration for anything great I've ever been able to accomplish.

Anything of substance here Jimbo?

Nope, but I get the urge every six months to vomit all over the internets, but instead of an emotional and overdone post about my return or the fact that nobody gives a shit, I’ll commence with the words and crank out a top six and half that came up over a better than average pint:

Top Six and Half Fictional FfffffffffBeeeeeeeeIiiiiiiiiiiiii Agents of All Time:

6.5) Agent Gordon Cole - (Conversation for the Twin Peaks pitch in the ABC studios)

Studio Exec: Ok David, so we get the dead prom queen and the dude from Dune who isn’t going to solve the case, but what else you got for me….
Sir Lynch: YOU ARE WITNESSING A FRONT THREE-QUARTER VIEW OF TWO ADULTS SHARING A TENDER MOMENT!!!

5) Agent Angelo Pappas – Please choose which of the following statements was actual dialogue from the 1991 Masterpiece “Le Pointe de Breaka”:

a) Listen you snot-nose little shit, I was takin' shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crappin' in your hands and rubbin' it on your face.
b) I'm so hungry I could eat the ass end out of a dead rhino; I should have had you get me three of these things!
c) 22 years. Man, L.A. has changed a lot during that time. The air got dirty and the sex got clean.
Give yourself a cupped-handed ass slap if you said:
d) - all of the above, just another reason we owe our living souls and all of our possessions to original Lodge HOF’er Lord Busey and his 1.5 on a 6 point scale

4) Agent Joseph D. ‘Joe’ Pistone aka ‘Donnie Brasco’ – Some would point to the flawed nature of a ‘deep’ undercover agent and the inability to be either FBI or Gangster and the further conversation regarding the duality of man (a later post), I would point to ‘Don the jewel thief’; and the following interchange which is standard dialogue following every meal at Casa d’ Edwards:
(As anything that is factually carbon-based is presented on the dinner table)
Me: “It’s a Fugaaaayyyzi”
Pops: “I don’t know...I don't know…how you knew….that was a Fugaaaayyyyzi”

Points above Lord Busey, because, well…i.it has elements of factual evidence, except where Mr. Blonde’s name is there when they open up the books. Bonus points goes to Lodge 'legend' Bruno Kirby's performance as who else? Yes: 'Nicky'

3) Agent Ray Levoi – “An FBI man with Sioux background is sent to a reservation to help with a murder investigation….” Stop….if you need more of a plot summary, well you probably aren’t reading, and you probably don’t watch much cable, but if you followed cinema in 1992, you saw Jim Morrison in a suit on the Rez buying cartons of Pall Mall’s for $15.75 or you watched the movie ‘Thunderheart’ then you'll understand the 3 spot ranking.While looking for amusement with quotes I realized that the supporting cast for this film is as following:
Chuck Yeager
Kicking Bird
Gus Grissom
And Senator Fred Thompson
I feel like there’d be a City Council spot for me with an endorsement from that group….well at the very least Gus Grissom.
And for those of you needed that mandatory quote:
Richard Yellow Hawk: “You better watch yourself pal, I'm the FBI round here. Full blooded Indian.” don' t you feel better now?

2) Agent Neville Flynn:
1 - I’ve never seen this film.
2 – If I thought #1 was necessary for #2, then, well you’ve missed the entire point of this experience.
3 – These are the facts that I’m aware of for Agent Flynn being #2
a) He’s played by Sir Samuel Jackson
b) There’s an airplane involved
c) Reptilian species are more prominently involved as an antagonist than ‘Raiders’, and that’s pretty f’n impressive
I also realized that I searched for a solid 20 minutes through Comcast’s bullshit ‘On Demand’ for a quality match to this film and this is the top three I found:
1) Johnny Mnemonic
2) Darkness of the Dead? (I’m not even pulling IMDB at this point)
3) Does the third member of this list really need to get mentioned?
Point is…why is Les Snakes on des Planes not a permanent On Demand fixture for those nights where you need a double feature to go along with ‘Machete’? You see…you don’t get it either.

#1 If you’ve been playing ‘Can we guess the #1 reason why Jimbo made this list’ at home you’ll know that:
Special Agent John Utah is the inspiration behind this almighty list and perhaps the earth’s rotation. Over the past 18 years, Agent Utah and I have worked some of the best robbery cases to ever come out of Los Angeles, or perhaps just the same one, that is until Internets vomiting is induced. For those of the congregation still missing the gospel, let’s just suppose that perhaps the greatest Ohio State Quarterback to ever suffer the greatest ACL injury in the greatest 4th quarter blowout of any Rose Bowl ever, went on to become the greatest bank robbery expert in the greatest bank robbery capital of the United States to the greatest avid everyday surfer to the greatest globetrotting stalker of the greatest Patrick Swayze character ever and then suppose that person was totally into Lori Petty and what does that do.?

You’re right…