Curious Guy: College vs. Pro

OH, IT’S ON! You are about to get served, Jimbo. Nice work with the time stamp, by the way. Couldn’t have updated the story to the top of the queue, eh? Apparently not. To preface, I’m going to preface each section with an Anchorman quote. Because the movie (and its second disk, an entire movie full of deleted scenes cut into an actual 2nd plot) are so full of quotable quotes it’s almost not fair.


“We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you! I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together!”

Champ Kind bringing the drama in expressing missing Ron Burgundy leads us to your mention of the drama of March Madness. But the drama of the professional leagues playoffs has the same tradition and excitement that fans love about March Madness. Yes, I must admit that the greed of the professional sports leagues has turned each of the leagues (MLB, NBA & NFL only, since hockey isn’t an American sport & the MLS sucks compared to the foreign futbol leagues, but that’s another column) playoffs waaaaay too long. They each take about a month to finish & have way too many days between games to stretch out TV coverage for money-making devices. That said, people tune in because of the heightened playoff atmospheres each sport brings. We all remember Lynn Swann’s SB catches, Jeter being in the right place at the right time almost every October & MJ hitting 3’s from all over the court over Portland – because these moments are singed into our brains where the clutch performers bring it when it counts.


“That's the smell of desire my lady.”

Brian Fantana’s not-so-sweet smelling quote goes out to your argument about the college co-eds that the college experience brings. This is something I don’t have much to argue. No man can argue against the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders though. Pro Sports have that. Plus, the NFL also brought us the greatest cheerleader girl-on-girl bathroom incident ever to be in print earlier this year.

Also, we need to mention the names in Anchorman while we are here. Will Ferrell and Adam McKay must have spent hours debating over what fake names were the funniest, and we are all winners from that work put in for comedy’s sake. When your rival anchor is named, Wes Mantooth (Thanks for the 70's history lesson, Goose), you just need to pay respect to comic genius.


“I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...”

Ron Burgundy drinking on the set before (and on air) going live intro’s my comeback to your paragraph about college sports bringing classic moments like Cheney’s turtle-like resemblance and classic quotes. But come on! Pro Sports have as much, if not more, classic quotes than college can ever bring. Just profiling Jim Mora or Dick Vermeil alone in the NFL would make a solid argument.


“I'm proud of you fellas. You all kept your head on a swivel, and that's what you gotta do when you find yourself in a vicious cock fight.”

After the news-team brawl in the alley, Burgundy reflects on the teams performance in the fight. And you fight when you are loyal. Jimbo, you next mentioned loyalty (which I brought up during our first go around) of college athletics. And I think this is where demographics and where you grew up comes into play. If you are from Tennessee, chances are you bleed Orange & think the SEC is the greatest conference ever no questions asked. That is because for a while (until the Oilers moved there), the Vols were the only thing going there. So my point is that college loyalty has many other factors that add to your so-called “loyalty”.


“They've done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time it works every time.”

Okay, we are halfway done, so bear with me. You next mentioned Video Games in passing, claiming that NCAA Football ’06 was the best sports game ever. Brian Fantana’s math in his follow-up description of Sex Panther leads me to some statistics of my own. I’m partial to the Madden franchise. I’d also like to point out that on 2004’s sales (2005 will come out after the new year) linked below, there are 3 NFL games in the top 10, 1 NBA game and no college games listed. An interesting statistic.


“I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.”

Money. You had to bring up money. Guys in contract years & agents the likes of Scott Boras don’t make sport fun, I would have to agree with you on that. But let’s not forget that the NCAA is not without sin & boosters have helped out college programs since the turn of the century. Countless programs have been sanctioned and will continue to get sanctioned after cheating and getting caught (or not caught).


“I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.”

You got a random quote in, so that’s mine. My favorite quote from Anchorman.


“You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered with hair.”

Rivalries are in all sports. Hell, competition and rivalry even stretch into work or family board games. You can’t tell me that college rivalries are any more special than RedSox-Yankees, ManU-Arsenal, Celtics-Lakers or Cowboys-Redskins. When the Skins beat the Boys, you feel it as much, if not more than when the Cougs miraculously take down the Dawgs in the Apple Cup.

I’ll leave you with Brian Fantana’s response to Champ’s rant about Ron (previously quoted): “Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while.” Jimbo, you might want to sit the next couple of plays out.