How High?

Seriously Ronaldo, how high were you?


I thought I was scared reading about another Austrian Dungeon story, but after reading about your transvestite prostitute interlude I am even more baffled.

'When they all booked into a motel, Ronaldo discovered that the prostitutes were in fact men. '

Did they look that beautiful on whatever you were snorting?

Were you too high to realize, 'I'm one of the greatest footballers in the world - I can get hot girls for free.' ???

You were sooo high, you let a boy-girl hustle your ID?

'Albertino took the footballer's documents, police said Ronaldo alleged...'

Now the BBC might have been very plain in their reporting about the incident, but my brothers in Bangkok know the truth about she-men.

How high Ronaldo? How high?

Maybe the pain meds you're taking for your knee and the coke just really made things crazy for you to try new stuff.

In light of this, you reinforce an elementary education of learning "Just say No" all over again.

Roundup Time

Sunday night, and while I wait for CBS to give me an “inside look at the real David Beckham” I figured I’d bust out a few words on the weekend that just was in Mother Goose’s most beloved sport. We’ll start in the present and work backwards, much like the GOP….hey ohhhh!!!! Rolling rocks tonight….

Thanks to the good folks at Kings Hardware for a proper boozefest on Saturday in celebration of my 30th year on this planet, but curses to one Dude Comfort and his repeated pitchers of Blue Ribbon that had me awake at 545am this morning with nothing to do, but log on to the Internets and check out one of the most lopsided rivalries in British Football since the arrival of Mr. Unbelievable to the Premiership. If you want an official recap on the match please visit a proper football site, if you want my biased take please keep reading.

Coming into the match an argument could be made that Stevie G and the rest of the Spanish Army were playing the best football in not only England, but the rest of Europe. An argument that lost any relevant support after Sunday. I’m not going to pretend that I was even slightly objectionable in viewing the match, but trust me when I say that I do respect the players on the pitch even if their crest might be the actual Seventh Sign. Tactically, Rafa and the Reds had finally figured out how to utilize their talent after 6 months of playing football, and by using Stevie G. right behind "There was something in the air that night…The stars were bright, Fernando” w/ the human Labrador Dirk Kuyt on the wing doing what he does best…running without the football. Throw in Ryan Babel and you have yourself Dutch bookends on the wings with Xavi and Javier Mach right in front of the back line and BAM!!!...you have yourself several million happy Scousers, or are they?

What they didn’t expect…was the highly overrated and soon to be transferred Wes Brown…and his head/back shot into the net for a 1-0 lead…and then in a twist that is soon to be flogged to death in the next week…Javier Mac was given a second yellow for dissent and proceeded to throw one of the greatest “hold me back….hold me back” exits of a sporting field that I’ve ever seen. Now, I’m not exactly sure that it would have mattered if Javier Mac stayed in the match, but since he didn’t and Ronaldo is on a vision quest to 40 plus goals in a season…the Devils pushed on with two more in the second half including another cracka’ by one Young Nani, who is sure to turn eyes this summer in Austria for Portugal. 3-0 to the United…5 points clear of the top and hopefully a confidence boost to take into the Champions League.

post draft update: looks like things could get a lot worse for Javier Mac

*There was another game on Sunday between a couple of smaller clubs from London…(nice touch from the fans calling out Avi Grant for subbing out Ballack only to have Belloti and Anelka assist in the tying goal...and then nice touch by Grant for calling out Drogba for getting the two goals that kept Chelsea in the title hunt)

Relegation Watch:
To those of you reading this unaware of the concept of relegation, I give you the brief explanation from the gospel for all facts in life…yes…every last one. The short, the bottom three of the 20 team Premier League are demoted and lose out on about 35-40 million pounds.

Weekend Winners:

*King Kev and the Toon Army get off the schnide v/ FulhamAmerica, who rocked 5 American Starters over the weekend…although as we’ll see Fulham’s name in the Losers list, this may not be a good thing for American’s playing abroad

*The Black Cats from Sunderland and the original Keano…got their first three points on the road this season and pushed themselves 4 points clear of the drop zone against the rapidly falling European Dreams of the Villians from B’ham…

*M’brough just secured safety, but still maintain the mantle of most unattractive football, combine that with the worst team to ever play in the Premiership...and you have the MLS...

*Reading might have done the same thing, although the Royals are right above M'brough on teams to watch if you're in a coma

Losers:

*Wigan isn’t out of the clear and the solid D might be falling, (_______fill in funny quote about Wigan here if you have one_____)

*Bolton got a point…but still couldn’t score crabs at a Washington State Sorority House...(shoota!!!)

*The play of B’ham is the only bright spot to Fulham getting out of the drop zone...and that's the best I have on that

*Derby…

The numbers:

Derby 10...Fulham 23...Bolton 25..........Newcastle 32

Europe Recap:

Italian Serie A-

* The wheels are coming off for Intern Milan...dropping three points at home to Turin side Juventus and allowing Poohbah fave AS Roma to get within 4 points with 8 games to play…

Spanish La Liga-

*Valencia took down Real Madrid 3-2 while Barca beat Valladolid 4-1 to close the gap again to 4 points…

Germany-

*It’s done

Be Champions….