Fear the North

As a younger boy I enjoyed exploiting Canada's lenient wacky tobaccky laws, excellent restaurants, and a Low Drinking Age!!! We could easily walk in with $100 and amazingly have $150 to play with in Vancouver. Now I see it was all a ploy. Weaken our youth with pyschedelic substances and bad booze. Exploit our capitalist tendencies with cheap goods and a high exchange rate.

No more. The loonie has reached parity with the dollar. $1 to $1. Canadians are now flocking to take all the cool cheap clothes from our malls, and buy up land around Bellingham essentially converting them to "Loonievilles". Now with our weakened economy and an army oversees they are free to tromp our lands with their maple leaves.

I say we band together. Unite our towns, from Federal Way to Blaine, from Forks to Monroe, we make a stand and refuse business to these Canadians. We band up, in civil groups, business groups -- a coalition of the willing... organize HOOTING parties, to drive up and down I-5 tracking British Columbia plates. We need a posse to form up where the feds back down.

Who are the Canadians to now have equal footing with us? No one exploits Americans, only we exploit people when situations favor us.

If we don't make a stand now, its only a matter of time before the beaver cap wearing barbarians want a showdown.

Sports Crimes: Benoit

We could be talking about this guy. Except, too bad he's a chump now. Also, the O.J story is filling up way too much media time as of late that could be better used for coverage of more serious things like Britney, TomKat, or the situation with our enemy: Canada.

I prefer today to focus on a bottled explosion from a man known as Chris Benoit. With his diary now surfacing and details of the event from the murder/suicide becoming much more complicated and dramatic than a botched mid-life crisis heist. Chris revealed heartbreak as a friend is recalled in earnest regard: Eddie Guerrero.From a mind torn through body slams, and neural damage from the clothes lines. All this brought to you by the King-man himself and Sanjay EFFIN' Gupta. The story of a maple leaf gone astray in the wind.

Its a much more explicit loss than than high school cleats you sold but miss dearly.

Part 2, Part 3